Where Does Your Worth Come From?

A while ago I spent time with someone I thought was my friend. I drove out to see her and was excited to catch up. But she spent the entire 2 hours we were together talking about herself. In fact, she rarely even let me share my input or demonstrate that I was actively listening. When I was driving home from that coffee meet-up I felt really discouraged and upset. I realized that she didn’t once ask me about myself, or let me share about what had been going on in my own life. The entire encounter revolved around her and left me feeling belittled and unimportant. Have you ever spent time with a “friend” that left you feeling worthless? In the past, this type of encounter would have sent me into what I call over-compensating mode. I would have spent more time trying to convince this friend that I was worth caring about (by doing things for her, or constantly rearranging my schedule so that hanging out with me was convenient for her, even if it wasn’t for me) and I would have been desperate to find validation from this person. But today, I can see the situation for what it really is. This person isn’t anointed to be my friend and that’s ok. But I don’t need to waste any of my time trying to earn her approval or prove that I am worth wanting to be friends with. Doing that enables people who do not value me to walk all over me, and leaves me feeling smaller than ever.

Over the past few months, I have been learning that my worth is not something anyone can dictate to me because it is inherently given to me by God. If a person can’t see my good qualities, it’s actually a waste of time to try and convince them that I am worth loving, because no matter how amazing I think they are, they simply are not meant to be my friend.

I used to struggle with feeling lonely, unlovable, and worthless. These feelings led me to do some behaviors that didn’t serve me well. These feelings enabled me to over-extend myself to try and please others by offering to do all manner of services for free in the hopes that they would appreciate me (and they rarely did), to adopt other people’s beliefs because I wanted them to include me in their life (even though I didn’t really agree with them deep down), and to adjust my personality and life to try to fit in with people I desperately wanted to be my friends.

So today, I want to let you know what has helped me the most in shaking off the bondage of people-pleasing because I was desperate for friendships.

Finding My Worth in Jesus

If we are letting people dictate our worth we are going to experience a lot of insecurity. But when we trust that Jesus knows our worth and that what he says about us is true, we can find security and strength that leads us to have healthier relationships because we recognize that God made us so remarkably special.

Here are 4 reasons why you should get your worth from Jesus alone.

1. Jesus says he loves you for you, not for all the things you can do for him. In fact, he loved you at your worst and still wants intimacy with you and nothing can separate you from him. (Romans 5:8, Romans 8:39, Ephesians 1:4-10)
2. Jesus says he doesn’t care what anyone says about you, he loves you and is loyal to you (Romans 8:31-39)
3. Jesus never turns away from your pain. Instead, he comforts you in all your affliction (1 Peter 5:10, Psalm 34:18, 2 Corinthians 1:3-4)
4. Jesus will lead and equip you to live a transformed and righteous life (2 Corinthians 3:18, 1 John 3:2-3; Romans 8:29)

Jesus models what it looks like to be a good friend. He is loyal, humble, present, and helps bring out the best in us. He doesn’t listen to gossip about us, or make us feel small (even though he’s literally God and could easily do this). Jesus values us and chooses to love us no matter what. This is the type of friend I want to be and these are the qualities I now look for in others.

If you are feeling small, unseen, or worthless, I pray that you will spend some quality time with my best friend, Jesus. He knows how to soothe away the aches of your heart and give you peace.

I created this meditation to Combat Character Assassination. It's all about who God says you are and is full of scriptures!

Want this blog sent directly to your email? Subscribe below and never miss a thing.